Confessions of A Christian Writer

Writing is a lonely activity.

A writer has to wrestle not only with the thoughts that are in his or her mind and which of those thoughts to write about, but the writer must also think about the audience who will receive the words. What is the need of the reader? What effect should the writing have on him or her? What approach and words should be used, and are the phrases, grammar and spelling correct? All these activities are done in solitude; they are a matter of what takes place in the heart and mind of the writer.

As the writer of this blog, I have to make a confession. My thoughts lately have been much like the picture above. Weedy, sharp and barren. Quite honestly, people, things, news, teachings, circumstances, and my own self have been irking me. Outwardly I appear pleasant and relatively happy. But inside, when I wrestle with my thoughts, I have been irked.

Lets get this straight about what I've been feeling. Below are some words to describe my inner attitude. However, I don't think I'm alone in being irked. The chances are good that these words will describe what many other people feel at times, even you! Aggravated, annoyed, bothered, bugged, chafed, disgruntled, displeased, disturbed, driven up the wall, exasperated, frustrated, grated, hassled, incensed, inconvenienced, infuriated, maddened, miffed, nagged, needled, outraged, peeved, pestered, plagued, provoked, put out, riled, rubbed the wrong way, teased, ticked off, tried, vexed, worked up and worried.

The editorial pages of a newspaper and a great number of blogs are peoples' opinions about what is irking them. It is relatively easy to talk or write about things that bother us. It's easy to complain about things or blame others when things go wrong. However, as a Christian writer, I can't do that. I have to be careful how I write. I can't just write to get things off my chest so that I feel better. I have to write in a Christ-like manner. That's not always easy to do. The last few days, I've been struggling with this.

Therefore, this morning, recognizing what I was feeling inside, I turned to Psalm 73. The psalmist Asaph faced the same kind of situation I was faced with. He wrote Psalm 73 because he was envious of the prosperity of the wicked people that he knew. He was irked by them. He had tried to live a good life, and he seemed to be getting nowhere, whereas the bad people seemed to get along just fine. However, despite the psalmist's intense feelings about this, he was careful how he expressed his complaint. He had a holy fear of how his words would affect others. He said, "All in vain have I kept my heart clean and washed my hands in innocence...If I had said, "I will speak thus," I would have betrayed the generation of Your children." Psalm 73:13,15 The psalmist was restrained in his speaking because of the fear of betraying the people God had put around him.

To think that our words, spoken or written, are powerful enough to betray the generation of people around us is a sobering truth. "Betray" is a strong word. It means to break faith with someone, to deceive them, or to even help their enemy who is against them. I know I would never want to do this to the people around me, and I am confident that you would not want to do that either.

I continued reading Psalm 73 in order to find out what I should talk or write about that proves my loyalty to others. The answer if found very simply and to the point in the last verses of that psalm, but most of all in the last verse. "But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works." Psalm 73:28

In prayer we need to give away our anxieties, complaints, and irritations (the things that irk us) to the Lord to take care of. But to the generation of God's children around us, we need to tell them of the faithfulness of the Lord God as our refuge. By that we prove our loyalty and care for them.

As I struggle in this lonely activity of writing, I know how desperately I'll need God's help to write those things which builds others up. But I know I'm not alone in needing God's help. Any of us who desire to speak or write as Christians will need His help so we aren't sharp, weedy, and barren.

What Am I Trusting In?

The warmer weather of Spring is beginning to melt the ice off of nearby Silver Lake. However, just last month the lake was hosting lots of ice fishermen. Seeing them out there, I've decided, however, that even in the dead of winter, I wouldn't go out on the ice.

Or would I? Under what conditions would I trust the ice?

Well, I could certainly trust the ice if it was twelve inches thick.

However if I went out on this twelve inch thick ice, I'd be sure to take along some ice picks so that if I fell in, I could get back out. I'd wear a wet suit and a life jacket. Oh, and I think I'd like to have a rope tied around my waist and hooked to a big tree on shore; that way I could pull myself back to land with it. And perhaps I'd take a rubber boat along with me. Then I could climb into it if the ice broke and then wait for the Coast Guard helicopter that I had stationed on shore to pick me up. I've heard air boats that can skim across ice or water are good to have nearby to enact a rescue if necessary, so I'd make sure the pilots of those boats are keeping a close eye on me with high powered binoculars- just in case.

Like I said, I would be able to trust twelve inch thick ice on Silver Lake.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

We say we trust in the Lord and then we make contingency plans just as thorough as my plans for going out on the trustworthy ice. Doesn't it seem illogical if we say we trust in something, and then we don't? I probably need to think about this some more.

Seasons Of Life

A close examination of the butt end of a log shows the age of a tree. There's a ring of growth for each year the tree has lived. Some rings are wide and some are narrow. These differing growth rings reflect either the ease or the difficulty of each growth season for the tree.

In like manner, a reflective look back upon our own lives reveals the years of our growth. There are events we remember that reflect healthy, productive seasons of development. And there are events that remind us of times when our lives seem stunted, thirsty, and painfully barren. Our lives are a real mix of these different kind of times. It is to be expected that there are both pleasant and difficult times in our lives.

Unlike trees, however, the easy and hard times in our lives often come to us rapidly in succession. For instance, I've just returned home from spending two weeks out of state, celebrating with my son and his wife the birth of their newest child. That joy of spending time with them and my grandchildren is now changed to a sad, dull ache in my heart because I won't see these loved ones again for many more months. It was a very happy experience to be followed now by an empty span of time.

Our emotions can rise and fall like a roller coaster. For instance, I was glad to see my dear friend at church yesterday, but today I learned she has fallen, and being severely injured, she is in much pain and needs the care of a nursing home. My time to talk and laugh with her has been changed to a time to weep and pray for her.

As we age, changes in our ability to function like we used to in the past always surprises and shames us. For instance, this day was bright and clear and I was able to accomplish a lot of yard work. It felt good to be outside raking the winter debris off my lawn. Then I thought about the need to change the motion detector light on my garage since it hasn't been working for some time. However, I realized that I've aged since I last replaced the detector, and I knew it wasn't wise for me to climb up on a ladder to the peak of my garage to do the repair myself. I have to accept my physical limitations and will need to call on my son or son-in-law to do the repair for me. It's humbling to have to ask for help.

I've always found comfort that the Bible describes there being a time for every matter that occurs in our lives. God recognizes the varying seasons in our lives, even the varying circumstances or emotions that each day brings us. For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; ... a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance... Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 ( only parts are quoted) A God who is this forthright in describing our human condition is the one we can trust, not only in the healthy, productive times of our lives, but also in the stunted, thirsty, and painfully barren times of our lives. His desire is that through all these times, our growth rings reveal that we are growing to know Him better.

I'm Still Learning

You'd be surprised, or maybe not, to know how much frustration I've experienced with my computer as I've tried to set up a blog and get it going. A computer geek I am not!

At any rate, my newest blog was written on February 25, but not published until today, March 4. However, my newest blog is listed as an old one. So-o-o-o, please click on the title over on the side called DAVY DOESN'T SWIM VERY WELL. It's the newest blog. Once you read it, you'll know why I wrote the blog early. One just never knows when a new grandchild is going to be born. I wanted to explain to those of you following my blog why you won't hear from me for a few weeks.

Yesterday in my Bible reading I just happened to read this verse:
When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world. John 16:21
Four hours after reading that, my son called to say that my grandchild was born. Rejoice with me for a new human being has been born into the world, and I have the priviledge of welcoming this one into my heart with a grandmother's love.

A Matter Of Perspective

If you're like me, seventh grade art class was where we learned how to draw perspective on a flat piece of paper. We used a ruler and drew lines the way the teacher told us to. After that we learned how to make roads, houses, boxes, and fences that looked real. We moaned and groaned as we learned the technique, sure that we'd never use perspective again.

This photo that I took last week in my back yard shows perspective that can be observed in the real world. The shadows of the trees and the spit rail fence converge on a single point of focus in the distance. However, the shadows of the trees and fence spread out and get larger as they get farther from the focus. Perspective shows us the effect of distance.

As a Christian, I'd like to say that my heart, my mind, my body, and my soul are always concentrating on a single focus. I'd like to say that I am focusing on doing all things as unto the Lord. If I compare myself to obviously wicked people, I think that I'm doing pretty good. However, if I compare myself to what the Bible says, I find I am guilty of being indifferent to the Lord. I don't let him take first place in my heart.

It's a matter of perspective. Either I'm sensitive toward godly things (being focused on letting Jesus live His life through me), or else I've given myself over to satisfying myself (greedy for more and more of almost anything that gives me delight apart from Jesus).

Let me explain.

Some examples of people trying to find satisfaction by ever increasing amounts of experience might be these: those who do drugs, addicts to pornography, and participants in extreme, death defying sports. They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. Ephesians 4:19 No doubt you are nodding your head along with me, convinced that this kind of sensual greed is worthy of condemnation. It's like the tree shadows in the sunlit photo getting longer and farther apart, leaving their focus behind. We'd say to ourselves, we'd never be like that! But we are like that.

How can that be?

The Holy Spirit within us nudges us with a still small voice. A Christian must be sensitive to those nudges; God's gentle leading is felt that way. We'd never want to miss those nudges and lose our focus on Christ. But it happens. How can we recognize when that begins to take place? How can we recognize when we are becoming callous to God's prompting in our lives? This word callous in Ephesians 4:19 can also be translated as being past feeling and not being sensitive. How do we recognize that we are beginning to be callous toward God, not feeling His nudges, no longer being sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit?

It's when we recognize we are starting to find our delight in all kinds of things that move us farther away from Jesus. It's when a variety of experiences spread out, enticing us away from our focus. The word "dissipation"describes this situation. Dissipation means "to scatter, to waste, to spend much time and energy on indulging in pleasure".

We'll find our own places of dissipation if we lose our focus on Jesus. For me, it's overeating. It's visiting bookstores. It's an obsession to keep up with the news. For you it might be clothes shopping or collecting new recipes. It might even be busyness in ministry or surfing the net. All of these activities can be good when done under the Lordship of Jesus. But when we find ourselves spreading out and expanding these activities to get more and more personal satisfaction out of them, we're no different than a drug addict looking for the next high.

We need to look at the shadows of our lives. Are they pointed toward a single focus? Or are they spreading out in dissipation?

If we find we are far from our Lord, not being sensitive to the Holy Spirit, and not feeling God's leading in our lives, the remedy is simple. We need to turn from our dissipation's, and focus on Jesus!

Broken Flagpole

It's been a long, cold, and snowy winter. In addition, there's been exceptionally strong winds at times.

After a few days of February thaw, I discovered, to my dismay, my flag pole had broken off at its base during one of the windstorms, and the flag was resting on the ground. I had no idea how long the flag had laid there, hidden by the snow. I was mortified. I knew flag etiquette. My husband was a career military man. The American flag is not to touch the ground! Not ever!

I remembered when my husband was first assigned to Fort Lee, Virginia. One day I arrived on base about 5 p.m. to pick him up at the end of his work day. Suddenly, all the traffic around me stopped, the doors of cars and trucks flew open, and all the uniformed personnel jumped out onto the road and came to attention. Everyone had turned in the same direction, saluted and held their salute. On the sidewalk beside my car, men and women in uniform had likewise stopped in their tracks, turned in the same direction, and saluted. I looked in the direction that everyone faced, but I could see nothing to cause such a reaction. After a minute, at the same instant, everyone dropped their salute and returned to their prior activity. I was mystified. What had just happened?

My husband explained it to me. Flags on military bases are retired for the day (lowered) at 5 o-clock. Military personnel are to come to attention and salute the flag during that time. All over Fort Lee through loud speakers, the trumpet call for lowering the flag had sounded forth. That's why all the vehicle traffic and pedestrians stopped at the same moment. But I protested. Why did everyone face in the same direction. I looked. I didn't see a flag going down. He said that everyone was faced toward the main flag on the Army base. It didn't matter whether you could see it or not, that was the direction to face!

There were other occasions when I learned flag protocol:

• I taught my den of cub scouts how to fold a flag into it's three cornered shape after being removed from a flag pole.


• Years later, we raised and lowered the flag daily in front of our family business. On those days when the flag was to be flown at half mast, it was proper protocol to raise the flag to the top of the pole before being lowered for the day.


• I was the recipient of the folded flag after a military funeral. Folded inside it were the spent bullets from the honor guard's volley in honor of my loved one.

It was for those reasons that I felt shame and guilt to know that I had allowed the American flag to lay on the ground under a covering of snow for days, perhaps for weeks. Without meaning to, I had allowed it to be defiled.

Since then, I've been thinking of other times when we do things unintentionally that lead to the same kind of shame and guilt. Things that we won't ever be able to undo, no matter what. Things that the Bible describes as unintentional sins: "But if you sin unintentionally..." Numbers 15:22a Things like running over the family pet with your car. Telling a joke about a funeral without realizing the person you're talking to was just notified that someone they loved had died. Walking in on someone undressed in a room when you thought the room was empty. Forgetting to put your car in park, so that it rolls down your driveway, across the street, and bashes in the side if the neighbor's restored 65 Mustang. All of us have committed these kind of unintentional sins that we cannot ever make right.

Isn't it wonderful to know that we have a God who has provided a remedy for the guilt we feel over these things. In the Old Testament, there were atoning sacrifices for unintentional sins. They're described in Numbers 25. However, now there is the better way that sin has been dealt with. Jesus Christ came as the final atoning sacrifice for all sins. We no longer have to carry the guilt and shame of unintentional sins (or deliberate sins). When Jesus was dying on the cross, he said, concerning those who were putting him to death, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." Luke 23:34 The rest of the New Testament testifies that Jesus continues to ask this of God on the behalf of all mankind, and especially on behalf of those who call Him Savior and Lord. Isn't this a comfort?

Davy Doesn't Swim Very Well

"Davy doesn't swim very well," my daughter said.

I had just hung up the phone from talking to a friend. I turned around and looked at my daughter. She stood in the open door, bundled up in her winter coat from playing outside.

Davy was the same age as my daughter, three years old. He was the next door neighbor's child. She and Davy played together all the time. Davy shouldn't be swimming. It was winter in New Jersey. Something wasn't right.

"Show me where Davy is," I said.

My daughter took off running as fast as her little legs could take her. I followed. I remember feeling the cold sand underfoot through my stocking feet. We ran through our back yard gate, across a couple of the neighbor's yards, and through the open gate of a chain link fence. There ahead of me was a swimming pool half filled with water, crusted over with a thin sheet of ice. In one corner of the pool the ice was broken, and Davy was floating face down in the water. The air trapped in his winter coat held him up.

Horror filled me. I screamed at the ghastly sight; I let out a blood curdling scream of terror. People from the nearby supermarket parking lot and people from up and down the street heard it and started running in our direction.

Although I can swim well, I remember evaluating the situation. I saw that if I jumped into the water near Davy's body, I would still be able to hold onto the edge of the pool for my safety. I jumped! Once in the icy water, I knew I had to throw Davy up and out of the pool. Holding the edge of the pool for leverage, I reached out with my other arm, putting my hand squarely under Davy's belly, and I heaved with all my might. I was able to throw him out onto the pool deck. I remember hearing the clunk of his head landing on the concrete.

I don't remember how I got up out of the pool. Adrenalin must have given me strength to pull myself out. Kneeling by Davy's side, I turned him over and saw his blue face. I tipped his head back and began to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. After a minute or two, I looked up to see people racing toward us from all directions. My children and the neighborhood children were the first to arrive since they had been playing close by. Next I saw Davy's father crashing through brush and leaping over a couple of fences. As he arrived, I turned over the attempt at mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to him. I herded up all the children and took them into my house. I didn't know what the outcome would be; I wanted to shield the children from the worst.

Davy began breathing again, and he want by ambulance to the hospital. He stayed there overnight and was home the next day. He was fine and had no aftereffects. Davy and my daughter played together often after that.

I learned something very important from that emotional ordeal. At that time I was a busy mother~ watching children, doing housework, being the family chauffeur, catching up on news over the phone, teaching Sunday school, etc. I immediately realized that if I had not been hanging up the phone on that fateful day, I would have not paid any attention to my daughter's remarks. I would have been absorbed in my own thoughts and conversation on the phone instead. In other words, if I hadn't been hanging up the phone at the very instant Davy needed rescuing, Davy would not have survived. And who knows? Perhaps my little daughter would have gone back by herself to try to help Davy, and she would have ended up in the pool, too. I shudder, even now, to think of such a probability.

In our complicated society, we're tempted to multi-task and not listen to the people right around us. We're proud to be busy doing many things at same time. But, I wonder. How necessary is it? Isn't most multi-tasking just vain attempts to demonstrate to ourselves or to others how indispensable we are? Or how bored we are with our present circumstances or company? In the book of Jeremiah, God says over and over to His people "Listen!" He was telling His people to listen to Him. But He also wants us to listen to one another. "Take note of this. Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." James 1:19

It'll be a couple of weeks before I write here again. I'm going out of state to visit my family. During that time I'll not be blogging. For you see, something else is more important to me. A new baby has arrived and needs to meet her grandmother. You can be assured that while I'm with my out-of-state family, I'll listen to the grandchildren tell me about their skinned knees and the spider they found on the floor. I'll listen to my daughter-in-law tell me all about her labor and delivery. I'll listen to my son talk about his work. I'll listen to their silly jokes and their hopes and dreams.

I'll choose to listen, not only because I love my family, but because God has told me to.